OILY MEN

  Do you know oily men?Does man that put olive oil on hair called oily men?Or man that use sea cucumber oil to heals wound?None of them we can call oily men.Inlcude man that has oily face.
Oily man is  a man that use black magic to make them become powerful.I have an interesting story that involved oily men.

 The story begin when a boy named Zhaffgh entered a boarding school in Cheras.He was the son of Prime Minister of Malaysia and being observed all the time.His friends,Adibus and Dausinis were his close friends.They became close friends as Adibus is the son of the Adidas founder while Dausinis is the son of Hercules.There are several pupil that dont like them.Example of them are Miorinus and Denielisme.They both were the son of Alexander the Great.Zhaffgh liked a girl named Anabelle.She was a gorgeous girl.But Miorinus jealous with Zhaffgh and want to kill him.Knowing that Zhaffgh was the son of Prime Minister while he was just the son of Alexander the Great,he knows the only method to defeat Zahffgh was by using black magic.One day he went to meet shaman king to request power.The shaman king,named Nasiffart willing to fulfill the request under one condition.He wanted to freely fart all over the world without boundaries.Miorinus accept that hideous condition.As a result,Nasiffart gave a bottle filled with unknown liquid.Miorinus smelled it and it smell like a rotten iguana mixed with blueberry milk.Nasiffart told Miorinus to apply the liquid on his body after dawn,cannot late or advance on second.If not the magic will fail.Miorinus came back home with happy feelings.At the dawn,he applied it on her body.Something fantastic happened.His body turned to shiny black and he can squeeze through a small hole.Then he planned to approach Anabelle that morning.He jump as high as Burj Khalifa tower and arrived to Anabelle.He started to search for Anabelle.Then,he saw that Anabelle was with Zhaffgh.He was very angry and decided  to attack both of them.

   Miorinus opened his first step.Zhaffgh and Anabelle shocked.They saw a nude black guy in front of them in the morning.The black guy was shiny.Then Miorinus flied to them and took a knife on the table to kill Zhaffgh.Zhaffgh was in danger.Anabelle tried to hitted Miorinus with a big vase but Miorinus was invincible.In fact,the vase was broken into small pieces.Then Zhaffgh realized that he borrowed a lighter in his pocket.He lighted it up and throw it to Miorinus.Miorinus burnt into ashes.Then Anabelle collected the ashes and throw it into the plant there,as a fertilizer.They were all safe.Zhaffgh and Anabelle live happily after that.After 2 weeks,the tree that used the Miorinus's ashes grow at the hight of Mount Everest.That's the end of oily men.

Haunted Drain

     In my neighborhood, there is a drain. A very spooky and smelly drain. Place of which human shit came from it. Not to mention horse shit too. The combination of both shit sometimes produce pop sound. Scientist made further research on that drain and found out hydrogen gas. But only a few of them survived, others dead due to dreadful smell. Some of them even mutate to weird creatures and join X-MEN FIRST CLASS. The drain said to have some kind of relation with Napoleon Bonaparte. They said that Napoleon once pissed on this drain and the drain is not able for swim after that incident.

      The famous drain located at Kampung Lahanat near my house. It is about 2.55 radian from my house. Given 185 degree of circle with radius of 9 cm. The drain is quite isolated from the others because it is really smelly and unpleasant to see. I heard numerous version of story associated with the drain. It said that the drain need to 'eat' at least 3 people a year. Villagers have try to offer Chicken Rice Shop to the drain but the dran instead swallow all of them. Since that incident, people repent and go to mosque everyday. But the drain continues it rude behavior. Pak Keleng Tick's car had been swallow by th drain too. The sad part is he just buy the car day ago and he have not finished paying the car installment. Since that, Pak Keleng Tick become crazy and travel to America.

   
        I feel very curious about that drain and decided to investigate about the drain's madness. I plan my work well and prepare all of the equipment in case I encounter with ugly bitches. I pack my potato chips and underwear. Underwear is important because i know I will pee in my pant several times when I witness the ghost. Unfortunately, I am short of underwear, so I create my own underwear by using leaves. No to forget my beloved water shotgun which capable to kill colony of ant.

         Albert Einstein once said that the fastest speed is light speed but today, i successfully proved his theory absolutely wrong. I travel faster than light and stray to Moon, but I am lucky because I bring my GPS along. I navigate back to the drain and i arrived at the drain weeks later. Wew, what a tiresome journey. I peruse the drain in detail. What can i see is just a mere human shit floating gracefully on the water. After 3 hours examination, I gave up and make a conclusion that all of this made up story are nonsense and decide to go back to my home. As I take a step away from drain, suddenly the drain become abnormal.

           The drain turn to red in color. What The Fish?! The drain's water boiling and produced pop sound. I try to put glowing wooden splinter near it and pop sound produced. So i inferred that the drain produced hydrogen gas. My Chemistry teacher must be proud of me. Then suddenly, I saw hundred of hand throw into the air inside the river. I can also see lots of head floating on the drain. The drain suddenly increase it water level and the hand try to catch me. I feel very scared. Oh no! My underwear tore up due to excessive anxiety. I want to piss right now. I cannot bear this feeling anymore. The hand come closer to me but I open my pant and piss into the drain. The hand suddenly become leg and then explode. I jumping happily while pissing.

       
          Kampung Lahanat become peaceful again. There is no bad drains left anymore. I found out that the drain becomes weaken whenever people piss inside it. This is the same technique used by Napoleon. I regret I did not pay attention during History Class. But this does not mean the drain will forever weaken. It will arise someday and only the chosen one can completely destroy it.

           

HELLO KITTY

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Spirit of the Window

Watch out for the window. There are people who are watching you, it could be your Mama, it could be a cat, or it could be.. the SPIRIT OF THE WINDOW.

"Spirit of the window?"  asked Raju. "Ya la stupid" answered Raju 2. Raju wondered if spirit of the window is one of the latest game pubished by Softonek Corp. Raju asked the video game seller about the game, but he got killed on the way he want to buy the game. Raju 2 want to take revenge. He hate the cd seller and promised to avenge Raju. However, Raju 3 is the cd seller, Raju 2 say hi! but no one give a shit. He was captured by the spirit of the window.

Spirit of the window is a ghost that looks like someone you love. If you miss somebody, do not look at the window. There are many real life encounters....

On the lonely night, Saikasni is walking home after attending tuition. He is so suck at mathematics, but he went to a biology tuition. His stupidity will definitely bring him bad luck. He walk the streets like usual. Just that he only wear a boxer and a singlet. His mom was angry at him because he just told her that he attend a biology tuition instead of maths, so he was punished. All people looked at him. But he just reply with a middle finger to them. One old man felt offended and bite his middle finger to a pulp. Feeling sad, he slap the old man's face, it exploded like watermelon. Because of the commotion that he make, many people chase to give him a smack right in the ass. He run as fast as he could, but a women managed to reach him, he pushed her into a drain, the women then become the ghost in the drain several weeks later.

After 50 minutes of the heart racing incident, he finally arrived at the subway. It is 11; 30, the last train should be there. He entered the train, only to be shocked with the presence of Nakamentai, the girl he loved so much. He suddenly become horny. He horn old geezer beside him. The old geezer cast a jutsu, Teleportation Jutsu which teleport him to another side of Saikasni. Saikasni then without any haste horn the old geezer as hard as tough piglet. The old geezer blown away outside of the train. Then the old geezer suddenly fly away and smiling to him although the train move so fast.  He still horny so he horn train wall but his head swollen. After that incident, he swear not to become horny again. All of these distraction make him lost sight of Nakamentai. Where is Nakamentai ? My anaconda dont~ He keep looking for her but he could not find her. He become amuk and tear apart his singlet. All pasenger shocked to see his chest hair. " Like Amazon" said anynomous. That anynomous died few second later. Passenger become scared and decided to jump out of the train. Most of them died but some of them from Konoha Village survived because they know how o concentrate chakara at their armpit which turned out to be their wing. But then they died too because they hit aeroplane. No one survived from that incident except Saikasni. He puzzled and become scared. Luckily, he saw Nakamentai at the window nearby. He decided to approach her but as he step closer toward her, Nakamentai appeared at all windows.  Nakamentais hold a knives and sharp their own teeth with that knives. A lot of blood bleed out. The train become bloody and smelly. The nakamentais opened the window and step in to the train. Saikasni freaked out and shouted recklessly. As the Nakamentais swing their knives at him, then......

               Saikasni opened his eyes. He took a look around him. Nothng happened. He still in the train but there is no passsenger. Maybe he missed the station. He took a look at the station map and he saw station labelled as Hell. He puzzled and suddenly he saw Nakamentai sit by his side while smiling broadly ear to ear.

DEEPA GHOST

 It is Deepavali. Hooray!!!Calooh calley!!Innaporingge!!!Vanakam Malayalam!!!Sollu engge nalle nukku kudiem ponni Sulliva nayrengge Yeppy Depavali vettekel.Every year I celebrate Deepavali with muruku.I love baby muruku.They are cheap and delicious. I lick each of them before I sleep. I afraid Aladeen will eat it. Usually, after I eat muruku, I feel horny. Do you know what horny is? It is a feeling that u feel like u will grow a horn. I like unicorn horn so I want to have it myself. It is very pointy and I want to horn all people that I hate. My horn can shoot laser that is rainbow in color. When I do that, the world will become harmony and some Barbie will suddenly appear. But then I need to do a lot of workout with muruku before I can obtain that horn. One day while I playing with my dinasour, I feel very tired and I really want to watch television. Oh no! It is Deepavali! Hooray!!!Calooh calley!!Innaporingge!!!Vanakam Malayalam!!!Sollu engge nalle nukku kudiem ponni Sulliva nayrengge Yeppy Depavali vettekel! So I turn my television to TV666 to watch the Deepavali parade and ceremony at Batu Cave. The parade is really fantastic. I feel like I joining the parade myself. I dance nonstop in front of television for 9 hours. Then my mother that in the kitchen join me.We dance for another 2 hours.Then my mother realize that the dhal in the kitchen is overcook.Unfortunately,the dhal explode in the kitchen that cause the entire kitchen become green in color.My mother cook it again.Finally the dhal is ready to serve.

   We as one family gather in the living room eat the dhal with muruku.At my first bite of the muruku,I feel like reborn as a Spiderman.The muruku taste like a spider butt.Then I taste the dhal.It taste like chin oil.I just keep it secret and I  notice that my sister also weird with the taste of the dhal.She says that the dhal taste like chin oil too.She agree with me. We have a good family gathering. My father love the dhal and kiss it. My mother jealous of the dhal. My mother throw the dhal in the dustbin but its ok. We had ate enough dhal for the next 2 year. My friend and I play police police and then when I become police, I kick my friend crotch and that activates his supersaiyan. He fly back to Saiyan world. I puzzled because I never seen Saiyan in black. Then I go to sleep in my bed. Not to forget, I lick all the muruku . Then the muruku lick me too. I sleep. I have a dream,I gave out shit make of dhal and muruku united as one. Suddenly, my stomach felt sharp pain. My belly button felt hot and pop out. I went to the toilet, dancing while shitting like mad dogs. The shit spill all over the floor but it has good scent. Then, I felt want to throw up. I go to sink and throw up a little but then suddenly I felt something big coming out from my mouth and trachea. The thing came out slowly and it has a shape of head made of dhal. Then, the body came out too. I felt so dizzy and then the thing stand up in front of me. It whispered something to me. I don’t hear it at first but then when the thing said it twice, I got it. The thing say that he want to kill my family. I ask him why? He answered that he like to kill people in Deepavali.He took axe and go toward my parent room.I quickly took my kolam(colorful rice) and exorsist it. He told that he will come back after me. All part of my house full of dhal shit. Then, I asked my mother where she bought that dhal. She said that she bought it from a mysterious man in hood beside my house for rm 1. Then, I discovered that the dhal was actually an unholy dhal that is very famous in the history of villain. I felt very disappointed because we waste a lot of dhal.

Morale of the story: Plant your own dhal plant to avoid dhal invasion.

koko

       Koyako  is sad. Her friend, Key Mark was hospitalized at Hospital Serdang. His legs were crushed, he suffered ripped tendons, torn ligaments and cracked kneecap. It was terrible. Koyako's friend, Lunch Aww tell the sad news just before the final examination. Feeling concerned, both of them decided to pay Keymark a visit the next day.

        Lunch Aww ( a thailand girl )picked up Koyako after school, with her own car. " I'm gonna cry,uuuuu"   Koyako said. "You don't need to, he's been an asshole to you. I don't even know why we even agreed to pay him a visit, I wanna fart." Aww replied. "Please fart I don't care, it smells like chicken nugget" Koyako has already used to the smell. " Well then, TRUUUTTTT, ahhhhh, I wish I could suffocate Keymark with my fart." AWWW!!! Could you please stop that?!" Koyako was in rage.

        Yeah, I can, only if you stop seeing him, he's a bully Yako, He kick you whenever you guys meet, he spit chewing gums on your hair, he pinch your left nostril like mad dogs and you cry everyday like babies. And now you feel sympathy for him? What the hell?!!

       Shut up!!!!

Lunch Aww was shocked so she swing the streering. BOOOMMMMM!!!!She died.
When Koyako regain conciousness, she saw an eyeball on her chest. Wahh!!!It is Lunch Aww's eyeball. Without further a due, she called the ambulance, thank god she use an nokia 33100, if she use iphone 6, she might die at the moment.

The ambulance took both of them to the hospital. Koyako was put in the icu ward.
"Lunch Awww!!!Key Markk!!!!!  she shouted, but it is in the midnight.no one is around but the nurse she was crying alone....then, a nurse came to her and put something in her hand. "What is this?

She trembled as she slowly recognized the texture of the thing that was in her hand.  It is Lunch's eyeball and Keymark's kneecap!!!! Then suddenly, the nurse jump into the ceiling, she stood upside down, thus making her skirt exposed. Inside the dirty underwear, there are two heads. It is the head of the Keymark and Lunch Aww!!.

Koyako froze in fear, she shit and wet herself many times. Feeling sympathy, the nurse change her pants and bedsheets. Koyako took the chance to slap her so powerfully that the nurse's head explode!. She fainted. The next day, she woke up. In a new hospital. There's her sister beside her. She was puzzled.
Her sister told her that last night, the hospital where she were put in was on fire. She was the only one survived in the mass fire.

HEHEHEHE......her sister giggled. Then, BOOOOMMMMMM her head explode!!!!!!!!!! Koyako die of shock. This is the most tragic story ever.

     

THE TOILET SATAN

                         I am drifting and accelerating with my Lamborghini Murchielago on the highway road. I drive for about 250km/h. Policeman try to chase me but their car were so slow like fat pig that they can only eat my vehicle smoke. Soon, dozen of cool helicopter float above my car in the purple sky. I lower down my car window and shouted to them " WOI LETS RACE LAAAA!". The pilot face turned to reddish-pink and show his middle finger to me. Such an inspirational finger. Oh no, it is not single buto, its is double buto! "COME ON LA NOOB!" he screamed. How dare he insult my wife, the elegant,sexy,baby,oh yeah red car of finest piece mechanic. " YOU SHUT UP YOU ****. SHOW ME WHAT YOU MADE OF" I shouted to the pilot. " I MADE OF SKIN AND HAIR AND BLOOD AND ..." BOOOOOOM!!! Suddenly I heard a deafening sound of explosion. The helicopter crashed with flock of crow which fly for 7000 km/h. What a tedious day. I tune to Gettys.FM for releasing my tension and stomachache. DJ Jack is on the air, talking about puberty and its effect to your pubic hair. What kind of nonsense he talking about? I turn off my radio and drive swiftly through the jam.

                          Suddenly i remembered something important. Yeah really important! I forget that I want to go to toilet . My stomach sulk with me. I try to persuade my stomach and make jocularity but he refuse to forgive me. Then, I quickly drive to the side road to RnR Karak. What a beautiful rest station. I saw thousand of ice cream and food vendors that made my adrenaline rush inside my body. I park my car as fast as lightning and go to the ice cream vendor. I buy Magnum, Kitkat and Cornetto ice-cream. While I am eating ice-cream then I remembered again that I forget to go to toilet. Oh no! I threw my ice-cream and quickly go to toilet. The cleaner stare at me like he want to eat me but then he pick up my ice-cream and lick it while staring at me before throwing it into rubbish bag. I have read in the newspaper recently that this have become a phenomena of cleaner try to express his sadness of low wage income. But who care? I give the cleaner RM 1 and walk into the toilet.
                       
                            "This is the time of victory!" I shouted in the toilet. Kriikk krikkk kriikkk... Okay. I understand so well that my destiny is to be alone forever.Suddenly my poo become too aggressive and offensive. I cannot bear it anymore. There is 2 toilet room here. I kicked the first toilet room and suddenly I saw an uncle reading newspaper while poo-ing." You insolent brat! Why don't you knock first you little bastard!" Then the uncle quickly zipped his trouser and went out the toilet. What is just happening? "Uncle! Come here uncle! You forget to flush your toilet!". But the uncle never come back here. Hmmm. Its ok. I flushed the uncle toilet bowl but his poo seems so sturdy that even several times of flush cannot remove the shit from it place. Remember guys, whenever you poo you have to flush it yourself. Then I kicked the second toilet door with my muay thai skill but the door would not open. I tried to kick again and again but the door is so stubborn. I heard somebody inside the toilet asking for password. Arghh I cannot stand it. "Hocus pocus alakazam abra kadabra chammak challo anyeong giranmal hello hello ije goodbye goodbye".  Then the toilet door opened slowly.

                              I landed my butt on the toilet bowl. Wow, I never feel this pleasant feeling for the past 5 years. The flow is so smooth and rhythmic. While I experienced this intoxicating feeling suddenly I felt something tickle me at my bottom. Who the hell tickle me when im doing my job. I peek at the toilet bowl and then I saw a hairy hand with long claw in the toilet bowl. I jumped out of the toilet bowl and tried to open up the toilet door but it is useless. The door is not even budge . Then I saw a really scary and dreadful satan.

                                The satan were covered with blood and he is holding a pair of human head with him. I was stunned. I cannot even move my body. The toilet room suddenly become gloomy. Water dripping turn to be blood. Then, the satan finally asked me a question. " Choose.Red,blue or yellow".
I confused and remain silent but the satan repeat his question again " RED,BLUE OR YELLOW!".
My fear overwhelming me. I am going to choose red but then I remembered a story from my friend.
Story about TOILET SATAN. He told me that if you are unfortunate, you will encounter this satan. The satan will ask you a question about red,blue and yellow and whatever your answer is, you will going to die in a horrible manner. If you choose RED, the satan will slish and slash your body and rip apart your body until the toilet flooded with your blood and turn to red. If you choose BLUE, the satan will choke you until you cant breathe and your face will turn to blue. If you choose YELLOW, the satan will open up yellow hell gate and took you there. You will vanish without any evidence left. Then I decided to choose RAINBOW. The satan was puzzled so he called forth Hanako-san of the toilet. They argued and then they killed each other. Both of them died. I was puzzled too and before I leave the toilet, I flushed my shit and kiss the dead Hanako-san.